Happy #WorldKindnessDay !
I think every day should have a bit of kindness in it.
The Random Acts of Kindness Foundation put out this great infographic on how to incorporate little kindnesses into your daily life. Can you add an 8th idea?
Tag: Kindness
Tis the Season of Giving
In one week it will be Giving Tuesday, another day added to the list of ways to spend your wealth over this holiday weekend along with Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday. While I appreciate the smart marketing minds that came up with this I’m going to put out my words of pause.
Thanksgiving at its heart is about gratitude, it’s about joy, it’s about being with those that you love. But in 2017 there’s something else that it’s become about – pressure. Get the deals before their gone, be happy eating all the food you’re supposed to love, and after all that don’t forget to give to charity. It’s a lot of pressure to fit into the holiday weekend.
So here I am to tell you; this pressure isn’t real, get rid of it! Take a minute to take a deep breath, take a moment to yourself and refocus on gratitude. Scream into a pillow, take a walk, do whatever it takes to turn off the chatter about what you’re supposed to be doing this season. I know that’s easier said than done but it’s certainly worth a try for your own wellbeing.
Now that you’ve taken the focus off the shoulds you can take a look at what you want. If you need something and it’s going to be on sale on Black Friday – go for it. If you appreciate your family and/or friends – enjoy spending time with them on Thursday. If you have money to spare in your budget and a cause you’re passionate about – donate on Giving Tuesday.
None of these named days are inherently bad as long as you pause and think about how they fit into your life the best way possible. Often a donation of Giving Tuesday will be matched or even tripled or quadrupled, which makes it a fantastic time to give. But giving your money to a cause you aren’t passionate about or giving money that strains your budget too much just isn’t worth it.
Also please don’t forget that money isn’t all you have to give. You can mark Giving Tuesday by signing up to volunteer for something or giving someone a compliment or some other act of kindness.
You are in control, not the shoulds. If you count everything you’re thankful for this weekend I’m sure you’ll come away with more wealth instead of less.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Share how you’re taking control this weekend. What are your holiday traditions that bring you wealth instead of draining it?
Weekly Check-In
Two weeks in a row this has gotten away from me a little bit. Luckily it’s because exciting things are happening!
Traditional Volunteerism
- 4 hours Crisis Text Line
Charitable Giving
- $0
Personal Kindnesses
- Thanks to the digital age I was able to help out a friend while they were traveling. It’s nice to think that distance doesn’t stop little kindnesses.
Self Care
- Yoga Month and Fall-Spring Cleaning continue.
- Just trying to keep up with all the excitement and really remember to stop and feel the happiness.
How did you do this week? Share in the comments!
Weekly Check-In
So I meant to post on Friday and the weekend very quickly got away from me.
Traditional Volunteerism
- 4 hours Crisis Text Line
Charitable Giving
- It was a portion of the proceeds kind of week.
- 3 pair TOMS shoes – which gives three pairs to people in need.
- I made a purchase on Sevenly which gives 7% of the proceeds to charity. They’re expensive for t-shirts but have wonderful designs and you’re giving to charity so it’s cool.
Personal Kindnesses
- At work we did a team building session of Improv. While this wasn’t my favorite activity it taught a lot of the personal kindnesses I have talked about.
- Make eye contact
- Be there for someone else
- Say yes and support someone
- Don’t leave anyone hanging
Self Care
- September is yoga month! Continuing my daily yoga streak. Even if it’s just legs up the wall for a few minutes.
- I’m on a huge Spring Cleaning kick. You can spring clean in September right? My apartment is going to be sparkling here soon.
How did you do this week? Share in the comments!
How Do You Treat The Waiter?
We’ve all heard that you can judge the person you’re dating by how they treat the waiter. The idea being that this reveals how they are to other people, that possibly they’re only kind to people they like, think are important or can do something for them. And it might be true, it could be an easy yard stick.
When I was shopping the other day just by not throwing unfolded clothes around I received immense gratitude from the sales associate. How could it be that our expectations are so low that this ordinary act was so appreciated?
It all got me thinking about expectations on how we treat each other in these situations. When someone is paid to serve us (usually very little) what are the world’s expectations and how can we change or exceed them?
I worked in retail most of my young life with a stint as a waitress thrown in there. So I know what it’s like on both sides. But that was 10 years ago. I wonder if technology has blurred the lines of distinction that you’re talking to a real person. That was before receipts were posted online showing tips and messages good and bad. Before there were tumblrs and twitters set up to complain about the horrible things customers do. Before our daily interactions became entertainment. Our culture has changed a lot and I don’t know that we’re really taking the time to think about these interactions past talking about how our dates treated the waiter.
But we should. This is an easy win. It’s also an almost daily win. We’re likely to go to the grocery, get food, and/or buy something daily. I think there are some easy steps we can take to improve everyone’s day.
- Acknowledge that you’re interacting with a real life human being. Put away your phone, make eye contact, smile, use their name if you can, something, anything to visible communicate that you know they’re not a machine.
- Think beyond yourself and have patience. Use having another living breathing person in front of you as a reminder that you’re not alone. Your actions have an impact on others. Be patient in lines, acknowledge when someone is busy with something else, maybe doing something for you, and let them know you’re okay waiting a minute because you see they’re doing what they can. Let them know you saw how someone else treated them and tell them how well they handled it. Just let them know you are there, you’re their partner for these few minutes and you’re going to help them help you.
- Be appreciative. Say thank you. Smile. Be kind.
A lot of people go into a service situation in a very combative way. Having been there and tried both ways – being nice is ALWAYS better. If you ask nicely for a manager, if you ask for an exception or another solution you’ll probably get one. I called an airline about an expired gift certificate and when the person I was talking to couldn’t help I asked nicely for a manager and ended the phone call getting exactly what I wanted. They’re there to help and when you come at them with a pleasant energy you become someone they want to be around and they’ll want to help you more and be more willing to bend rules. Treat them like a person and that’s how they’ll treat you. It’s really as easy as that. Positive energy is contagious.
When I worked in retail I knew that when someone was upset or would yell that it wasn’t personal. Something was happening in their life that I had nothing to do with and knew nothing about. But it made my smile fake, it made it a chore, and it made me defensive. Sometimes I could turn it around but more often than not it was just another horrible customer that I’d hope none of my friends would ever date.
Weekly Check-In
I can’t believe it’s almost the end of August. It seems like summer went by in a heatwave blur.
Traditional Volunteerism
- 4 hours Crisis Text Line
Charitable Giving
- $0
Personal Kindnesses
- I let my friend borrow folding chairs of mine for a job. Hopefully I was able to give her some good vibes too!
Self Care
- More acupuncture. It’s been fantastic and hopefully consistent visits will really help me bounce back.
- With fall comes a lot of great trips for me. Paris, Austin, etc!! Should be fun. So I’ve been travel planing and daydreaming about running plans and training throughout the fall.
How did you do this week? Share in the comments!
Kindness Pet Peeves
When blogging about kindness it seems like I’d only have puppies and rainbows to talk about. Well there is one thing that drives me up a wall and it’s commonly mistaken as a kindness.
“Smile,” he says.
….
I’m sure that some people think they are acting out of kindness, although probably more don’t think at all. They want you to be happy and more importantly demonstrate your happiness. And somehow most of the time it’s men telling women to smile. Some strange chauvinistic hold out that hasn’t yet been killed by the 21st century.
The feelings I get when someone says this to me are always negative. I’m usually in my head and jarred to hear that someone has a problem with my appearance. I may not be smiling because I’m upset or thinking about something going on in my life that is difficult or complicated. Or I could just be tired and not ready to put on a big fake smile first thing in the morning. It doesn’t even matter if I have a reason or not. Smiling is a decision that is completely up to me. And while I often smile it is not mandatory. Someone telling me to smile just makes me more upset to the point where smiling is the opposite of what I’m feeling.
If this is something you’ve done in the past – told someone to smile – I hope you’ll reconsider your actions. This isn’t kindness. If you see someone who isn’t smiling there are kindness that that can provoke – ask them if everything is okay, smile at them yourself, do something to make them smile, or just move on with your day.
If someone says this to you remember – it’s okay to be sad sometimes, it’s okay not to smile. It’s your decision. I know you want to have a happy life but smiling 24/7 is not a requirement. My life is filled with so much joy and still I’m often told to smile.
What are your kindness pet peeves? Does any “kindness” just drive you up a wall?
Weekly Check-In
Work has been really challenging recently and not in a positive way. The last two weeks have been especially draining and damaging. Luckily my life is more than just my job.
Traditional Volunteerism
- 4 hours Crisis Text Line
Charitable Giving
- $0
Personal Kindnesses
- I’ve not let this stress at work effect how I treat people. I still show up with a smile on my face. This takes a lot of effort but I’m still doing it.
Self Care
- I started acupuncture this week. I think it’s really going to help with my stress level and self care going forward. I did acupuncture a long time ago for a rough case of sciatica and it worked like magic. Hopefully it will do the same with this stress and the effects it’s having on my body.
- Ice cream with a friend is one of my favorite self care strategies. We tried a new place this week and it was great!
How did you do this week? Share in the comments!
Being Kind in an Unkind World
We all go through hard times. All of us have come across people who might be jealous or sad, who try to break us down. Mean happens to all of us. It can be from strangers, acquaintances, or people we are close to. I try to keep in mind that these are mean moments, mean actions, not mean people. But honestly sometimes that thought leaves my mind entirely and I just think of them as the meanest person on the planet.
So how do you do it? How can you be kind in an unkind world? There are a few ways, unfortunately none are very easy in practice. But that’s just it – it’s a practice and it takes practice. Overtime you’re kind in the unkind world you get a little better at it.
Energy is like a snowball, the more you add to it the bigger it gets rolling down the hill. When someone comes at you with negative energy or a mean comment you can either add to it and get the ball rolling down the hill faster or you can counter it with a positive energy snowball and see if that can pick up some speed. Positivity may not stop the negative snowball but at least it isn’t adding to it. And more importantly it helps to keep yourself from getting dragged downhill with them.
But what you really need to do is take them out of it. Decide how you want to treat people and treat everyone that way – in a mean moment or a kind one. Create the integrity in yourself that you can be kind because you want to be kind and not base the decision on how you’re treated or if it will be reciprocated or if someone deserves it or not. Decide that everyone deserves your kindness.
It’s hard. This is something that challenges us all. It takes practice and patience with yourself. It’s unlikely that you’re going to be as kind as you want to be in every situation. But you can keep trying.
Try this – When you’re having a calm moment by yourself, think of something small that you can do that’s kind – looking people in the eyes, not complaining, complimenting, smiling, whatever it might be. Then write it down – “I am someone who _____.” and keep it with you, on your desk, your screensaver, in your wallet, etc. Challenge yourself to do that particular act of kindness everyday to everyone for 21 days. Strangers, friends, your boss, your kids, that person on the freeway that just cut you off, everyone. After 21 days write another note. You’ll find after awhile you won’t need the note, you won’t have to think about it. You will be someone who looks people in the eye. Personal kindness will become part of who you are instead of what you’re trying to do. And it will be a little bit easier to be kind.
Let me know what your note says in the comments!
Weekly Check-In
It’s still too hot. Tuesday it seemed like everything was going wrong. Lots of little disappointments and things irritating me. It was too hot, my dog was misbehaving, had a bad workout, etc, etc. I tried not to give up and write it off as a bad day and instead tried to look at it as the universe pointing me to self-care. I can’t say that 100% worked but I tried.
Traditional Volunteerism
- 4 hours Crisis Text Line
Charitable Giving
- $0
Personal Kindnesses
- When I Crisis Counsel with Crisis Text Line there is a chat area for all the counselors online. There are a lot of newbies as we continue to grow and I try to join in the conversation and respond when they have questions. It’s easy to get tied up in your own conversations and let someone else chime in. But I remember being new and not knowing what to do in certain situations. I think just saying, “That’s totally normal, I’ve been there too,” was a huge help. (You can be a newbie too – click here to get started)
Self Care
- After a suggestion from a fellow Crisis Counselor I put some TLC into my eyebrows. It’s funny but it really worked. I’m ready for a big change in my life and starting with beautiful eyebrows seems to be helping. I’m going to follow up with a face mask and a manicure this evening. A little pampering never hurts.
How did you do this week? Do you have a funny self-care idea that works? Share in the comments!
Being Goode 