New BeingGoode Hobby

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I wanted to take a minute to share a new hobby of mine that makes me smile and feel amazing. It’s free and perfect to start right now.

My new hobby is making sure customer service workers get complimented for great service. It’s pretty simple –

  1. Have someone provide excellent service.
  2. Notice their name or ask for it.
  3. Ask for their supervisor, go online, or make a phone call to make sure their boss knows they did an excellent job.

While it’s always nice to smile, say thank you, and look someone in the eye when they provide great customer service, taking the extra time to make sure their boss knows can have a huge impact. It factors into performance reviews, raises, and generally in staying employed. Plus managers love hearing that someone who works for them is doing a great job especially when most comments are negative. It really doesn’t take that long and let me tell you, it feels good!

An American Princess

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It’s been a week since the royal wedding, even longer since I’ve written here and I thought it was time for an honest update.

The contract for my last job ended in October. That put my already strained finances under even greater pressure. Putting money towards donations or hours towards volunteering instead of earning money got more difficult. And if you have been unemployed for a long time you’ll be able to understand the amount of self-care is needed to just keep going. It’s been challenging.

It feels like it has pushed my dreams further away and nothing echoed that more than the royal wedding. I love weddings and have a secret addiction to watching cute proposal videos online. I just love LOVE and these two clearly love each other. I also respect HRH Prince Harry for all that he’s done with the Invictus Games and speaking about mental health through Head’s Together. So I got up semi-early (not in the middle of the night, thank you DVR) and made scones and sat down for all the pomp and circumstance. It was beautiful.

But as I watched Meghan and read the coverage the following days I couldn’t help but feel a bit envious. She had made from California to royalty. She had made it on her own, dealt with family issues, and fell in love in her thirties and all of a sudden it’s her full-time job to be a philanthropist. It’s her job to raise awareness for causes important to her. It’s her job to sit front row and cheer at the Invictus Games. It’s her job to give medals to charity runners at the London Marathon. My heart pangs for a job like that.

There are tradeoffs, she has to wear pantyhose now, no bright nail polish, no more shellfish, she had to shut down her blog, no more social media, lots of paparazzi, and she can’t volunteer quite the way I can, really getting in on the ground level. But the tradeoffs seem small for a dream job. All jobs have tradeoffs after all.

I’m careful to say envious, not jealous because I don’t want what she has, I want my own life and my own path. I know that if I keep working I can be a philanthropist too. I don’t have to be Melinda Gates or the Duchess of Sussex or Michelle Obama if I only turn the envy into inspiration.

And that’s how you get through the hard times, you take the setbacks and envy and sadness and you look for the inspiration. Then you look again. You keep finding the inspiration until you get somewhere. You never know when your life will suddenly be that fairy tale you’ve been working towards.

I can raise awareness for causes that are important to me. I can volunteer at the Invictus Games. I can receive a medal running for charity at the London Marathon. I don’t need a prince to become my own kind of American Princess.

 

The Silence Breakers

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Time Magazine just announced their person/people of the year – The Silence Breakers

It’s a unique time and the cover choice shows that. I can only hope that the silence is actually broken, like into a million pieces can never be put back together broken. It takes so much courage to share these kinds of stories and I’m glad that it seems like as a society we’re starting to listen.

I hope we keep listening, I hope we’re ready to show up for the hard changes that some people have to make. This situation does bring me hope for a different future.

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)  – Has been doing the work and supporting people since 1994.  If you need support or if you’re looking for a great organization to support RAINN is great.

What do you think about this movement and Time’s choice?

 

Countdowns and Starting Fresh

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I love advent calendars, always have. There’s something fun about marking the days with a little surprise treat. I even used to have one for my dog. I’d ring a little bell and she’d come running while I pulled off another tiny milkbone, it was very sweet.

Shortly after advents come New Year’s resolutions. Making a commitment on a certain day to change something for the better, give something up, start something. A chance to start something new and fresh. This tradition doesn’t suit me quite as well, when I decide to make a change I tend to just do it.

But whether these are some of your favorite traditions or not, I think it’s worth taking a look at them and why we do them.

So why do we give ourselves treats for most of December and decide that January 1 is the perfect time for big life changes? Because that’s why! It’s because we’ve all gotten together and decided as a society to assign these meanings and tasks to these days. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s been that way for a long time.  But my thought is maybe we should change our life on any day we want and give treats and surprises whenever and make it about what works for you not the date on the calendar.

The holidays are a time for joy but also often a time for stress and pressure. Sometimes the pressure is good. Sometimes telling people that you plan to exercise three times a week for your New Year’s resolution helps you stick to it. But I think it’s important to find ways to get rid of any excess or unnecessary stress, especially this time of year, it gets in the way of all the joy! So if you want to start working out three days a week, why not start today? December 1 is just as good of a fresh start as January 1. If your holiday list is getting to be too much and you haven’t gotten your advent calendar yet, buy it on sale and start opening the windows on February 1. A little chocolate for 25 days in February seems like a fun idea to me. Last year for Cyber Monday I bought a workout plan and started right away because I didn’t want to wait six weeks.

What I’m trying to say is these are two great traditions for celebrating each day and kickstarting something new in your life but they don’t have to be once a year. We have the chance to celebrate and start fresh every single day!

What do you think of these traditions? Tell me about them below! I’m off to buy my advent calendar.

 

Tis the Season of Giving

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In one week it will be Giving Tuesday, another day added to the list of ways to spend your wealth over this holiday weekend along with Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, and Cyber Monday. While I appreciate the smart marketing minds that came up with this I’m going to put out my words of pause.

Thanksgiving at its heart is about gratitude, it’s about joy, it’s about being with those that you love. But in 2017 there’s something else that it’s become about – pressure. Get the deals before their gone, be happy eating all the food you’re supposed to love, and after all that don’t forget to give to charity. It’s a lot of pressure to fit into the holiday weekend.

So here I am to tell you; this pressure isn’t real, get rid of it! Take a minute to take a deep breath, take a moment to yourself and refocus on gratitude. Scream into a pillow, take a walk, do whatever it takes to turn off the chatter about what you’re supposed to be doing this season. I know that’s easier said than done but it’s certainly worth a try for your own wellbeing.

Now that you’ve taken the focus off the shoulds you can take a look at what you want. If you need something and it’s going to be on sale on Black Friday – go for it. If you appreciate your family and/or friends – enjoy spending time with them on Thursday. If you have money to spare in your budget and a cause you’re passionate about – donate on Giving Tuesday.

None of these named days are inherently bad as long as you pause and think about how they fit into your life the best way possible. Often a donation of Giving Tuesday will be matched or even tripled or quadrupled, which makes it a fantastic time to give. But giving your money to a cause you aren’t passionate about or giving money that strains your budget too much just isn’t worth it.

Also please don’t forget that money isn’t all you have to give. You can mark Giving Tuesday by signing up to volunteer for something or giving someone a compliment or some other act of kindness.

You are in control, not the shoulds. If you count everything you’re thankful for this weekend I’m sure you’ll come away with more wealth instead of less.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Share how you’re taking control this weekend. What are your holiday traditions that bring you wealth instead of draining it?

Weekly Check-In

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Still trying to keep it together.

Volunteering

  • 4 hours – Crisis Text Line

Charitable Giving

Personal Kindness

  • I went to a networking event this week and for a lot of people they can cause anxiety. But I’m pretty good with social interactions so I made it a point to find someone who I could tell was feeling awkward and introduce myself, ask them questions, and generally lead a conversation. Hopefully I was able to made someone’s night a little easier.

Self Care

  • Whenever I got a compliment this week or someone said something nice to me, I’d repeat it. Just throughout the day I’d play back in my mind, “John said he liked my top today.” I’d keep track and make myself hyper-aware of the nice things people were saying to me. When someone would ask me how my day was going I would reply, “Great, I got two compliments on my mug this morning.”

 

How’d you do this week?

NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION WEEK

On By beinggoodeIn Support, ThoughtsLeave a comment

To Write Love On Her Arms has a great video and campaign this week #IWasMadeFor

Check out their video –

 

I was made for compassion and adventure. Please share what you were made for in the comments!

Because of my work as a crisis counselor, I get a lot of questions from friends who want to know what to do if a friend or family member is thinking of ending their life.  Today I’m going to give you the top three tips I gave them.

 

Be Direct

It’s okay to ask someone directly if they are thinking about ending their life. I know being direct like this can be difficult but it establishes that you’re someone who sees what’s going on and is willing to listen. Asking won’t put ideas in their head or make them think about ending their life when they weren’t going to.

Another helpful thing is to be honest about any help you’ve received when you went through a rough time, professional or otherwise. I went to therapy for years to deal with some difficult relationships in my life and I think it’s important to be direct about it to remove some of the stigma attached to getting help. We don’t fault people for going to the dentist to take care of themselves and we shouldn’t fault people who take care of their mental health!

 

Listen Without Judgement

“Finish your food because somewhere people are starving.” How many times have you heard something like this? You shouldn’t be unhappy because someone has it worse or whatever you feel isn’t that bad or you shouldn’t get that upset. You wouldn’t tell someone not to be happy because other people have it better. Bill Gates has a private plane and a mansion so therefore you will never be happy. Comparison doesn’t work and we all react to things differently.

The best thing I learned to do is repeat things back. Echo how they are feeling to show you understand. “That must be devastating that you didn’t get what you needed from that person.” “It is overwhelming to be dealing with all that.” Validate what you hear. Sometimes that’s enough. You don’t have to solve their problems, you just have to listen and be there.

 

Helpers Need Help Too

If you find yourself in a role of support for a friend or family member who is going through a difficult time, don’t forget about yourself. Supporters also need support. Reach out for your own kind of help, take some time for self care, recruit others or get professionals involved. No one is alone in this.

 

Overall I would say that you’re allowed to feel how you feel and you deserve help! You deserve to be happy and to show the world what you were made for!

I dream of the day where Suicide Prevention Week is a distant memory.

 

If you need help – twloha.com/iwasmadefor 

If you want to help – crisistextline.org/volunteer 

Weekly Check In

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When one door closes another one opens  … well sometimes it just feels like all the doors are slamming shut. I’m still focusing on self care while I’m searching for that next door, that next wonderful opportunity!

Volunteering

  • 4 hours – Crisis Text Line

Charitable Giving

  • $0

Personal Kindness

  • An intern from my department was leaving. Along with all the other nice things my co-workers were doing – passing a card, organizing a going away lunch – I made sure to ask about what his upcoming opportunities were and share advice, encouragement, and just good old fingers crossed attitude with him.

Self Care

  • Trip planning! I have two trips coming up in the next six weeks and I get to spend a bit of my time daydreaming on the internet about them. Pinning pins on Pinterest, looking at blogs, and scanning travel websites. It’s so fun to get to daydream.
  • List making. So with these two trips, plus job hunting, and just everyday everyday-stuff, I have a lot to do. So I’ve been making lists. Making them with pretty pens, writing them down neatly, organizing and reorganizing them, celebrating with each check mark, and just generally enjoying them. I am always someone who has loved to-do lists and planners so I get to spend some time embracing that.

How’d you do this week?

#InternationalDayofCharity

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It’s been 20 years since Mother Teresa passed away. The UN has designated today the International Day of Charity in her honor. This is part of their statement:

Charity, like the notions of volunteerism and philanthropy, provides real social bonding and contributes to the creation of inclusive and more resilient societies. Charity can alleviate the worst effects of humanitarian crises, supplement public services in health care, education, housing and child protection. It assists the advancement of culture, science, sports, and the protection of cultural and natural heritage. It also promotes the rights of the marginalized and underprivileged and spreads the message of humanity in conflict situations.

The International Day of Charity was established with the objective of sensitizing and mobilizing people, NGOs, and stakeholders all around the world to to help others through volunteer and philanthropic activities.

The date of 5 September was chosen in order to commemorate the anniversary of the passing away of Mother Teresa of Calcutta, who received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 “for work undertaken in the struggle to overcome poverty and distress, which also constitute a threat to peace.”

 

What I’ve always admired about Mother Teresa is her humanity as she struggled to become a saint. She often questioned if she was doing enough, if she was good enough, if what she was doing was enough. We see the work she did and the people she fed, heart and soul, and we know that she was enough. She was just like we all are, unsure and human.

She is a role model to me to keep trying, keep pushing to be as  charitable as I can be. I spend hours every week making sure that people know that they are enough, enough to keep living. I spend hours each week thinking about how I can be kinder to myself and others.

Hopefully, on this day of charity, you’ll take a minute to recognize that you are enough and that the charity you do helps feed the world.

 

#InternationalDayofCharity